“48 HOURS: “Loved to Death” explores dating and breakup violence through an inside look at the murder of 18-year-old Lauren Dunne Astley at the hands of her ex-boyfriend, Nathaniel Fujita. At the time of the murder, the couple had broken up, reunited, and then broken up again. The broadcast will provide critical information for parents and young adults on how to recognize warning signs of dating violence and how to avoid dangerous and harmful relationships.
“It is a crime that has no zip code,” says Tracy Smith who reported the story. “It’s urban, suburban, and rural. A relationship ends and what happens is an emotional surge of uncontrollable anger. It can be verbal, physical and sometimes, as in the case of Lauren Astley, it can end in death.” One in three Americans between the ages of 14 and 20 has been the victim of physical, verbal, emotional or sexual abuse by an intimate dating partner.
On Wednesday October 23rd, 48 HOURS offered a special live webstream preview plus a live discussion on how we in society, but especially those who educate young children, can use Lauren’s story to address the importance of preventing dating and breakup violence through dialogue with teenagers.
Malcolm Astley, Lauren’s father started the discussion by articulating that in dating or breakup violence, there are no perpetrators: both boys and girls can initiate violence in a relationship and share responsibility for how their relationship develops. But when a relationship becomes violent and leads to a break up, “men will often take violent behavior to a lethal level”. Men see breaking-up as a “matter of shame,” but Astley stresses that it is not worth to “win, or not lose, at all costs. It is okay for men to show their grief with real tears”.
In an 18-minute long excerpt from the movie, we learn through interviews with Lauren and Nate’s friends that they were “the ideal couple”. Lauren was “just 5-foot tall, but with a great, bubbly personality” and Nate, Lauren’s first boyfriend, the star football player and kind at heart. During senior year, after two years of dating, their relationship became rocky and in April 2011, Lauren broke up with Nate. While, according to Lauren’s friends, it was a relief for her, Nate started to harass Lauren. Nate’s behavior turned violent at a graduation party, attended by 150 of their classmates, where he slammed Lauren into the party-tent pole after seeing her talk to other boys. Their friends wished they had seen the signs of violence or abuse during the relationship. In hindsight, signs of worrisome behavior noticed by friends included Nate’s looking through Lauren’s phone and preventing her from talking to others, Lauren’s list of reasons for breaking up posted on Facebook, and the fact that they spent much more time at his house than hers. According to Tracey Smith, these subtle signs are of great importance.
When does normal teenage behavior become “dark”? Malcolm Astley regarded Lauren and Nate’s issues as “normal” control issues, something he saw all around him with other couples too. Signs on dating violence, especially among teens, break into so many parts of society. They are expressed in social media and can also be experienced as public humiliation: Nate might have felt his reputation as star football player was on the line. Signs can be hard to recognize as it has such a ripple effect. Therefore, we need to educate young men and women about dating violence and healthy break up skills.
It is especially important to recognize peers and their power as first responders. “Of teenagers who are in abusive relationships, 3% will tell an authority figure, 6% will tell a family member, but 75% will tell a friend” former Middlesex County, Mass., District Attorney Gerry Leone tells 48 HOURS. Casey Corcoran, Program Director for Children & Youth Program and Futures without Violence, says programs to prevent dating violence should start before men start dating. Today, 6 graders are already in romantic relationships, so this is earlier than we might think. He proposes to include talking about issues in relationships in the school curriculum so that youngsters develop vocabulary and understanding of relationships, which enables them to better cope with issues later. Early education can teach young men positive ways to express masculinity, other than the current violent options.
Nate’s parents recognized a change in Nate’s behavior. After the break up, he visited a psychiatrist but they had difficulties seeing their son’s behavior as a normal or abnormal response to the circumstances. Nate’s mom even asked Lauren to check on her son, but that meeting would end Lauren’s life. Lauren’s mom wished she’d told her daughter that “if you break up with someone, never go see him alone again”. It is common for parents to not discuss the signs of a healthy relationship. According to research at Elon University, the school Lauren was supposed to go to, “dating violence is not supposed to happen, so people don’t talk about it”. Peer pressure too forms a barrier for young men to join a conversation, as there is a danger of being seen as “gay” or feminine and girly. The study also found that teenagers often disconnect their personal dating violence from domestic violence: “domestic violence is something for married people with kids”. Yet teens will talk about it “if we ask the right questions and make it part of the school conversation before it becomes a problem” Corcoran says. Malcolm Astley adds that especially parents and educators’ experience can help youngsters understand that when they leave a relationship, he or she “will experience the most difficult time in his or her life”.
When you live in a dynamic world, “broadcasting Lauren’s story is just the tip of the iceberg,” Senior Executive Producer Susan Zirinsky says. Reaching out to young children and having healthy relationship education on all levels in school will allow educators to “take it to the next level” and continue to prevent dating violence.
For a sneak peak of “Loved to Death,” go to http://cbsn.ws/17ctdyL. The full episode will broadcast on Oct. 26, 2013 (10:00 PM ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network. CBS also provided a brief tweet you can incorporate into your Twitter feeds: #datingviolence can affect anyone, anywhere. @48Hours investigates its impact on one community Sat, 10/9c: http://cbsn.ws/17ctdyL
I’ve been interning here at Sport in Society for about a month and a half now. In that time, I’ve learned a lot about the organization and what type of work is done here. I am still trying to figure out exactly where I can fit in and then get more involved. My time so far has been great as I meander my way through the website, old projects and talk with the other staff members. Us new interns are beginning to work on a collaborative project and I’m excited to sort out details of this and then really get to work on it. In my short time here at Sport in Society, I have become much more interested in how sports can be used as a platform for social justice. There are a ton of cool organizations that are using sports for some type of “good.” Each day I seem to read about a new organization that is passionate about doing this. It has been interesting to read about these organizations that exist in Boston and also all over the world. Whether it is teaching skateboarding in a third-world country or making recess more organized right here in Boston, the missions of these organizations are similar. It has been eye-opening to read about these organizations and to learn about how they accomplish their mission.
Beyond that, I have really enjoyed attending events for Sports Based Youth Development Organizations. The first event we held was about a month ago and was on “Building a Positive Culture in Sports-Based Youth Development Organizations.” The four panelists shared some really great information and best practices. They were all really down-to-earth and so enthusiastic about talking on the topic. I learned a lot that I even can take back and incorporate into my basketball team at Tufts, which is a mini organization in some regards. Building and then maintaining a positive culture is incredibly important in organizations like those present at this first event and definitely on athletic teams as well.
The second event was a seminar held last week about nonprofits. Rick Arrowood, a Northeastern professor, gave a lecture on “How Nonprofit Organizations Organize and Operate.” I am currently working towards my Master’s Degree in Applied Child Development and really have no background in Nonprofits. This lecture was informative and I learned a lot of useful information. I’m looking forward to the other upcoming seminars held by Rick, as well as the other upcoming panel discussions.
Next week we are having the fall MVP Institute and all the new interns will be attending. I’m excited for this and to learn what MVP is all about. Since I began here at SIS, I have been hearing about how MVP really puts the work we do into a certain framework. I can’t wait to attend the institute. All in all, I have enjoyed my experience here so far and am excited for all the upcoming events.
As I walk down the long aisle to my cubicle located in “ The Intern Igloo”, I’m reminded by my journey to Sport in Society, and the outcome I hope to achieve from this experience. My journey to Sports in Society wasn’t the smoothest, easiest or fastest, as I constantly faced multiple stumbling blocks and setbacks along the road. Attending one interview to the other, reading one rejection letter to the other and having faith when it seemed too late. I was almost certain that I had picked the wrong fields of study in college. Majoring in Management with a minor in communications here at Northeastern, added to the fears lying deep in my heart. I am severally confronted with the reality check of what I’ld be doing with my degree. I’m unable to answer that question as of yet, as I’m still in pursuit of my career goal; however, one thing certain is that I have an endless passion for sports and what it entails. Because of that passion, I affirm with the status quo that sports is a universal remedy for many problems and appeals to many. I’m always in reminiscing with the idea of either managing a sports team or starting up a non profit organization that may somehow use sport to better the world. That was a thought from the past that I never imagined would make its way to the present.
Somehow, I find my self in an organization that uses sports to promote social justice, and there I am trying to find my niche and where I can better be effective. At first, I thought SIS was a sports management organization as a result to its name “Sport in Society”, but I soon come to the realization that it works on elevating social justice. Here at SIS, the value of social justice, sport, healthy development, education and leadership amongst many others are its driving force. Unlike many organizations, Sport in Society is an organization that is fueled by 5 staff members,excluding its 3 Coops and 4 Interns, which makes them unique. From an organization that started with 25 staff members to just 5 now, shows how much of a rebuilding and Reconstruction that has been taking place in the organization, and still strives to maintain its focus.
The atmosphere here at sports in society is so different than I expected. Expecting to come into an organization where everyone cared less about their co-worker or their conversation or personal dilemma, I am stunned by the outcome. Ranging from grabbing bagel on “bagel Thursdays” together, to eating lunch together on the 3rd floor on a daily basis, to cracking jokes on each other etc., everyone here appreciates each other and work for the growth of the other. There have been times that the two hour long commute from Lynn to the office have tried to obstruct my coming to work, but when I remember the people I work with, the type of work they do, how important they make everyone feel, I am always motivated to come. I have come to love and respect everyone for their hard work and time dedicated into making the community a better place and keeping many students of the streets.
Although I’m yet to figure a way to be better effective in the organization, I am still grateful for the opportunity to learn, and for the platform to serve. Maybe the Famous MVP institute and Project Teamwork that has constantly been voiced during our multiple staff meetings is what I need to get boost my ability. I have heard so much about the trainings and the impact it has had on many, even from the mouths numerous NU students who took the class. I hope it appears to me a stepping stone for success and professional growth here at this organization and in the future.
My few days working with the organization has made me value the importance of Sports Based Youth Development in the community, and how they utilize the appeal of sport to create a world that is benefiting for everyone while eradicating discrimination, hate and violence.
The Daily task/activity here at SIS consists of conducting research, planning SBYD programs, designing curriculum, organizing community events and working with different SBYD organizations, which ever it is, they tend to use that medium to educate and promote programs that helps solve the issue of social injustice.
Like many other interns, I have a goal to accomplish with this internship, but what sets me aside is my admiration to extend it past my internship to making it a long term goal. That goal is to attain adequate knowledge, skills and program initiative that will effectively enable me run a non-profit organization whether it be related to sports or business. Attaining those detrimental skills and information will help me to some day fuel my goal of starting a non-profit organization that advocates for children subjected to severe social issues such as bullying, parental maltreatment and poverty, with the use of sports to give them a better opportunity that explains a better meaning of life. Growing up with nearly a dull or dark meaning of life, I understand the pain, agony and struggles many of these children go through; Hence, I choose to extend my current goal past my current internship with Sports in Society. I look forward to greater days ahead here at SIS, as I have come to love and appreciate everyone as my extended family. That being said, my long flight has landed safely at Sport in Society, time to check into my hotel.
I originally stumbled upon SIS after a professor of mine suggested I check out the organization. After doing some research, I noticed that their mission aligns with my professional goals very well. I obtained my BS from North Carolina State University in Sport Management with a Coaching Education Minor and I am currently pursuing my MS in Nonprofit Management with a Spot & Social Change Concentration here at Northeastern. My short term professional goal is to become a sports programming director at a YMCA, Boys and Girls Club or similar organization. My long term goal is to eventually become an executive director or CEO of such an organization. An opportunity with SIS will not only allow me to network, but it will equip me with more knowledge and hands on experiences in my field.
I came into this experience not really knowing what to expect with a very vague idea of what it is Sport in Society actually does. The first day as an intern consisted of getting to know my fellow interns, co-ops and staff here at SIS. We went over the mission & goals, history, accomplishments, etc. of the organization and I started to realize the magnitude of SIS, but I still wasn’t fully grasping the concept.
I spent my first few days observing the day to day operations of the office. Not really knowing my purpose as an SIS intern made me feel essentially useless, browsing the web as everyone else was busy at work. It wasn’t until my initial meeting with our senior staff to go over my goals and ideas that I started to formulate a sense of what I will be doing over the next few months at SIS.
The other interns and I will be working on a project focused on sport based youth development (SBYD). We will be formulating curriculum for sport based youth development organizations that focuses not only on sport, but developing a well-rounded individual as well. We are still in the beginning stages and in the process of ironing out all of the details, but I am excited to finally make a contribution and keep learning from this experience.
October is going to be a busy month here at SIS. Not only are we busy at work on our new project, but there are seminars, trainings and various events that SIS plays a role in. What I am looking forward to most is the MVP Fall Institute. MVP stands for Mentors in Violence Prevention. Since starting my internship, I often hear the senior staff, tenured interns and coops referencing something they learned from the MVP training in everyday conversations. Clearly something that remains this prominent in daily discussions is something worth checking out. I don’t really know what to expect from the trainings, but I look forward to participating not only for the experience, but to know what everyone is talking about when they bring up MVP.
I am getting more comfortable with the culture and roles at SIS and I look forward to continuing to learn and soak up as much information as possible. My goal is to not only learn from my internship, but to also leave a lasting footprint on the organization, hopefully our SBYD curriculum will do just that.
Last Thursday, on September 19th, we held our first of five sport based youth development forum panel discussions here at Northeastern University. This series of panel discussions form a platform to connect research and various tools for collaboration, and encourage inter-organizational learning and support in a developing field. This past forum, Building a Positive Culture in Sport-Based Youth Development Organizations, focused on answering questions about maintaining a positive culture and creating an overall healthy and fun work environment. We had four outstanding panelists from different organizations across the greater Boston area: Amanda Smidt, the National Manager of Alumni and Center Services at City Year, Becky Nyce, the Program Director at Squashbusters, Max Fripp, the Executive Director of Playworks Massachusetts, and finally, Tracey Britton, the Director of Business Development at Edgework Consulting.
Overall, this forum was very successful. We had 20 representatives from organizations such as, Totz Soccer, YES, Sole Train, Courageous Sailing, America Scores, COB Parks Department, CSW/Wheelock College, and Edgework Counseling. The attendees were interested, engaged and asked many questions about improving the culture in their organizations. Everyone enjoyed networking with each other and getting to know what different organizations are about and what they have to offer. In our evaluations, one attendee said that the panelists really could “walk the walk” and that “the panel had a wide range of experience.” To read more about how it went, Ryan Butler, a Northeastern student with The Boston Globe, wrote an amazing article about how the event went.
Everyone here at Sport in Society worked really hard to make sure that it was so successful, mostly because we had a lot on the line: Senior Associate Director, Deb Jencunas, told us all that if it was a success, she would buy us all cake and party hats. Lo and behold, at our staff meeting on Monday, she walked in with Transformer party hats and a chocolate Oreo cake. It was the most delicious thing I’ve ever eaten! I’m very happy with the way it turned out, and can’t wait for our next forum on November 21st
“Yay, school starts tomorrow!” I might be one of the very few people who said that about two weeks ago. The best part of a new school year is the students’ return to campus. I experienced “Moving Day” and was not even bothered by the traffic jams it created. Many Freshmen are exploring campus and I felt like a real Bostonian when one asked directions to Snell Library. Kayley, Matt, Prince, Kate, Jessy, and Dwayne, our new interns, came in last week and they’re about to start their own projects.
Among the new students were 160 people who signed up for Huskies for Sport in Society, our student organization. We heavily recruited new members over the summer at the Freshmen orientation nights. This many sign ups was actually beyond our expectations. To present these students with a good sense of what our club entails, we had many brainstorm sessions over the summer. How should we market our club? What volunteer opportunities should we present them? What are some social justice issues that will be interesting for them?
The club’s first meeting was last Thursday, September 12th. It was rewarding to see all the planning we did over the summer actually being put to reality. Sport in Society’s partner organizations provided volunteer opportunities, which we were able to present at the meeting. The attendants also showed their interest in being trained in MVP and Project TEAMWORK. Our next meeting will follow soon and I hope all members will be dedicated and keep bring in good ideas for the club!
A lot has happened in the last month at Sport in Society, and a lot is planned for the Fall semester. Last month we sent two of our staff to Boston Scholar Athletes to do a training session. The other co-op and I went to observe and to take pictures. It was a great opportunity to learn more about the facilitation process, and see Ricardhy and Betsy think on their feet and be adaptive. The group was great; they were very involved and connected our curriculum to what they were trying to do. They were able to bring their experiences, share with each other, and support each other as they prepared for their upcoming school year with the students.
Betsy and Ricardhy did a great job once again, setting the atmosphere with energy and enthusiasm, while also maintaining a sincerity that created a safe environment for everyone to share.
As Julia and I prepare for our facilitations, observing this training and having a mock facilitation has helped us get new ideas and become more confident. I am excited for the upcoming trainings that I will be participating in.
With the new school year, we said good bye to many of the interns that were here when we first arrived. However, we also recently got four new interns for the Fall! It’ll be great to get to know them better, and also to work with them here at Sport in Society.
Finally, we have been working on kicking off our student organization, Huskies for Sport in Society. Our first meeting is this Thursday and we have had a lot to do as we prepare for it. Everything seems to be coming together and I’m excited for the volunteer offerings we have for the student members!
After being here at Sport in Society for about a month know, I already know that the next 5 months of my co-op are going to be full of fun activities and events that I never thought I would have the chance to be a part of. The staff here is always energetic, kind, always makes me laugh and feel comfortable, and I am constantly learning new things from each one of them every day. I haven’t had the opportunity to facilitate a training yet, but I hope that in the upcoming months that will change. I’ve been able to watch a few trainings, and I even took part of the MVP training in June, and I know that I’ll be ready to go when the time comes, or at least I better be!
Over the past few weeks, I have been working on my own project for this semester, and I am so happy that things are finally starting to come together. I had the idea that I would like to begin a conversation about LGBT athletes with the Northeastern Community. With Jason Collins coming out as a gay NBA player and DOMA being declared as unconstitutional, it seems like the perfect time. I personally experienced a time where an athlete was afraid to come out to the rest of their team because they were afraid of what they might say or think of them. With all the research that I have done about this topic, over 95% of all LGBT athletes said that they wished they had someone to look up to that would have told them that the coming out experience isn’t that hard, because then they would have done it sooner. I’m particularly interested in this topic because I am currently a Northeastern athlete and I know how the culture can be and have seen first had how much of a struggle it can be. I hope to start getting deeper in this planning so it can happen very soon!!
I’ve been at Sport in Society for just about a month now, as a Co-op intern. Prior to even joining the team, I was required to go to something called an MVP Institute. It was in the middle of Summer, so needless to say I wasn’t very excited to commute in three days in the middle of the week for something I didn’t have much interest in. The week prior to MVP, I was kicking and screaming, complaining to whoever would listen, about how I did not want to go, I would rather sleep until 2 pm and then play video games, or watch a movie.
I just have to say, life has a funny way of changing your mind.
I stepped into MVP and I felt very out of place. A lot of older professionals were sitting around a table drinking coffee and talking about where they worked, and here I was having not even started my internship. Fast forward to when the actual facilitating began, and I was so struck at how fluid the two Co-facilitators worked, and how genuine and sincere they were. They wanted to be there, and I could feel it, and I slowly began to understand what Sport in Society was about. By the third and final day, I was happy to come in and see these men and women that were going on this short but life changing journey with. On the final day was my first experience co-facilitating. I was nervous, but the Men’s Break out room supported me greatly, and so did my co-facilitator.
I didn’t know what I would be doing with this “certification” until I came to Sport in Society this past July, but I definitely saw it as a useful tool to get people to think critically. I think it boils down to this statement: People will come to understand more fully, if they come to that conclusion themselves, more so than if someone tells them to come to that conclusion. (Don’t quote me on this).
Second came the Bullying Prevention Institute. I didn’t co-facilitate or anything at this event, but I did get to observe, and assist. One of the biggest takeaways I got from this was, once again, even if you’re not too excited about driving to Franklin in early morning traffic, everything has a purpose. Being at this institute showed me that there isn’t one right way to facilitate. Everyone has their own style and it showed through the three pairs of facilitators. Each group had their own attitudes and backgrounds, filled with their own challenges and ideas, and seeing each facilitators’ style work effectively was just awesome. I was excited as I saw students breaking out of their shells, and also being challenged in their mindsets, while also seeing facilitators think on their feet, and adjusting on the fly. In the end, it was a very fruitful experience for the students who learned a lot, and for me who was able to observe.
But this posed a challenge for me, would I be able to think on my feet and adjust? I only facilitated once, and it was a low pressure venue of guys who all had to experience the same thing and facilitate as well. They sympathized with me, and supported me, and I with them.
Eventually the Bay State Leadership training came along, and I was slated to go as a co-facilitator. I was very excited, and a little nervous. I was a little bit wary of how the kids would feel, coming in on one of their precious Summer nights because they were captains of their sports teams, but this not only prepared me mentally, but had me worried on how I would react. The night was quick, and I definitely missed some opportunities to facilitate the discussion more. I am not sure whether it was a product of the timing, or the group dynamics, or if I was just hesitant. Though it had its ups and downs, I definitely learned more by watching, observing, and even facilitating a bit in my group.
Overall, I had a great time at all three events and I obviously have room to grow in facilitating. I still need to discover my style, and from hearing everyone else and their input, the more I do it, the more comfortable it will be, and I can’t wait to see how I grow in this.